NFL Announces No Suspension For Watson, Says Playing For Browns Punishment Enough
Cleveland, OH-Having received criticism that they had not done enough to punish Quarterback Deshaun Watson, who currently has 22 pending...
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- Mar 17, 2022
New Kyler Murray Contract Proposal Includes Height-Lengthening Surgery As A Demand
Phoenix, AZ-Among the many demands in his 48-page contract negotiation thesis was the request that the Cardinals include a height...
- Mar 7, 2022
NFL Suspends Calvin Ridley For Using FanDuel To Gamble When He Could Have Used Draft Kings
The NFL announced it would be suspending Calvin Ridley for the 2022 NFL season after it was revealed he gambled using Fanduel. "To gamble...
- Mar 7, 2022
NFL Forgets To Remove Draft Kings Logo From Press Release Regarding Calvin Ridley
The NFL, widely regarded for their perfect standing within the community, and never having made a mistake, accidently left the Draft...
- Mar 7, 2022
Calvin Ridley Admits Correlation Between Mental Health Break, Gambling
Atlanta, GA-During his latest press conference after being suspended 1 full NFL season for gambling on sports, Calvin Ridley elaborated...
- Mar 6, 2022
Totally Straight NFL Experts Concerned Over Player Small Hands
Indianapolis, Indiana-Incredibly straight and not a gay man whatsoever, NFL draft expert Mel Kiper, expressed concerns over QB prospect...
- Mar 5, 2022
Report: Mitch Trubisky Real Scrappy, Blue Collar Guy
Buffalo, NY-General Manager of the Bills Brandon Beane spoke highly of Mitch Trubisky as he prepares to enter free agency in his latest...
- Feb 28, 2022
Brian Flores Eagerly Awaiting Firing So He Has Opportunity To Sue Steelers For Racism
Pittsburgh, PA-New Steelers linebacking coach Brian Flores admitted this Tuesday during an introductory press conference that what he was...
- Feb 28, 2022
U.S Announces No 26+ Year Olds Will Be Drafted As They Are "Washed", and about to "Fall Off"
Washington, DC-Joe Biden and pentagon officials announced the age group of US draft recipients for the upcoming military draft in...
- Feb 24, 2022
US Selects Christian McCaffery #1 Overall In US Military Draft
Washington, DC-Having just gone to war with Russia over claims to the neighboring territory of Ukraine, US president Joe Biden and the...
- Feb 19, 2022
"Will Salsa For Cash," Says Disheveled Victor Cruz Living Outside Giant Stadium
New York City, NY-Outside the Glamor of the New York Giant's stadium and their free Sodas, is the shell of a man who once did so much for...
- Feb 16, 2022
Detroit Lions Fan Lets Rams Fans Have Relations With Wife As Thanks For Bringing Stafford A Ring
Detroit, MI-Seeking a way to thank the Rams for taking former QB and hero of the Detroit Lions, Matthew Stafford, to his first Superbowl,...
- Feb 16, 2022
Mary Byrde To Help Saints Alleviate Cap Problems
New Orleans, LA-Well known money launderer and world class citizen, Marty Byrde, announced Tuesday, as part of his, and his family's...
- Feb 14, 2022
NFL Referees Named SB MVP
LA,CA-Citing game-changing plays all game long, the NFL referees were awarded the Super Bowl MVP for their historic performance last...
- Feb 13, 2022
Report: Frank From USAA Getting Real Sick Of Gronkowski
Frank's Coffee, FL- After multiple attempts to explain to the brain-dead NFL player that he cannot sign up for USAA insurance because no...
- Feb 13, 2022
Odell Beckham's Son Refuses To Leave Womb, Seeks Restructured Contract
La, CA-Having been offered a measly lifetime contract for all of his parent's combined net worth, Odell Beckham's son announced Tuesday,...
- Feb 13, 2022
Brian Flores Demands More Brian Flores Representation Among Head Coaches In New Lawsuit
New York, NY-Brian Flore's Lawyers announced they would be filing a suit against the NFL for anti-floreism after discovering that not a...
- Feb 13, 2022
Aaron Rodgers Traded To Spotify
Austin, TX- Seeking a team who aligned with his beliefs of never shutting the fuck up, Aaron Rodgers was officially traded to Spotify...
- Feb 12, 2022
Tom Brady Immediately Gains 500 Pounds After Eating One Normal Meal
Tampa Bay, FL- After years of eating only unrefined sugars, nutrients, testosterone boosters, and 5-hour energies, Tom Brady celebrated...
- Feb 1, 2022
NFL's End Racism Decals Fail To End Racism
New York, NY-The NFL was shocked Monday night when after 1 whole year of attempting to stop racism, mostly done by putting decals on the...
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