top of page

New Kyler Murray Contract Proposal Includes Height-Lengthening Surgery As A Demand

Phoenix, AZ-Among the many demands in his 48-page contract negotiation thesis was the request that the Cardinals include a height lengthening surgery complimentary as part of any new deal. "The benefits of such a surgery will allow me to score over 7 points in the playoffs and even up to 14" read the letter Murray himself had written along with incorporating every single request his agent made. "I can even guarantee that with an extra four inches of length, bringing myself to a whooping 5'8, I will only have 3 turnovers in our next playoff game. Though I can't guarantee a win next year as a result of the surgery, it would not be unlikely for us to win a singular playoff game at some point in the near future as a result of this surgery. Finally, I am sick of women turning me down on tinder for being 5'4 and if I were 5'8, I would get more women, and as a result be a much happier person, and better teammate." Among his other demands was that Mommy let him play video games past 10' o'clock . At press time, Murray revealed there was another area of his body he had requested a lengthening.

bottom of page