US Selects Christian McCaffery #1 Overall In US Military Draft

Washington, DC-Having just gone to war with Russia over claims to the neighboring territory of Ukraine, US president Joe Biden and the US Military announced Christian McCaffery had been selected to represent the troops. Although many analysts originally predicted it would be Derrick Henry due to McCaffery's Injury concerns, the upside ultimately won. "When you look at McCaffery you think this is a guy who can do it all. Whether it's firing at the enemy or catching bullets, he truly is a multipurpose weapon, that could help singlehandedly turn over the war in our favor," said President Joe Biden. Although McCaffery's prospects looked good, many were worried over his newly appointed general, an aging James Dickinson, who's prime was around when Cam Newton's was. "If there's anything McCaffery has shown," said Matthew Berry, former fantasy analyst and now war commentator, "It is his ability to do well no matter what the situation is. Even with the US army a shadow of its former self, an aging president, and general, I still predict McCaffery to have the greatest season by a soldier ever." At press time, Christian McCaffery had torn his ACL, ensuring the impending doom of the world as we know it.