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Tom Brady Immediately Gains 500 Pounds After Eating One Normal Meal

Tampa Bay, FL- After years of eating only unrefined sugars, nutrients, testosterone boosters, and 5-hour energies, Tom Brady celebrated his retirement by consuming a normal meal, which resulted in him gaining 500 pounds immediately. "I don't think my body was prepared for this", said the now 678 pound Tom Brady. "Is this what normal people feel like? Why do I feel an immense craving for a 24 OZ Dr Pepper which I tell people is actually 12 OZ?" Tom Brady also took the newly discovered concept of time-which previously was replaced by football, to begin watching TV and found himself sucked into the world of housewives of Atlanta. "I'm never watching tape again", said Brady as he finished the fourth season of Breaking Bad while gulping down his third popcorn bag of the day from the living room. At press time his wife expressed disappointment over Brady's failure to put down the toilet seat, leading the 678 pound Brady to claim he could leave any time he wants for the Bucs.

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