U.S Announces No 26+ Year Olds Will Be Drafted As They Are "Washed", and about to "Fall Off"

Washington, DC-Joe Biden and pentagon officials announced the age group of US draft recipients for the upcoming military draft in preparation of Ukraine would not exceed age 26 and would include 18-25 only. "As we all know from football, the second you turn 26 all of your bones break down into a fine dust, and you are left without an exoskeleton, forced to be wheelchaired around for fun. That's why the US Military will be drafting exclusively 18-25-year-olds, otherwise known as the prime of your life.", said a US Pentagon representative. President Joe Biden defended the choice as well saying "A 26-year-old is washed, man! He's gonna fall off!". At press time, the US began to stop selecting 22-25-year-olds as they were just three years at most away from being 26.