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Report: Frank From USAA Getting Real Sick Of Gronkowski

Frank's Coffee, FL- After multiple attempts to explain to the brain-dead NFL player that he cannot sign up for USAA insurance because no one in his family served, sources reported that Frank, a local USAA representative was getting sick of it. "At first I thought it would be a cool gig, getting to work with one of the greatest tight ends of all time. But I didn't realize just how fucking dense he is", said Frank. "I thought for sure he would get it on the third try, but here we are again, with him asking if because he won the Super bowl he could somehow qualify for USAA. He seems desperate for attention, and approval, constantly asking me if I like him. He keeps throwing my cups, in an attempt to recreate his famous spikes. He's done it to 500$ worth of cups. Ever since Tom left, I think he's gone downhill", concluded Frank. Stephanie, a customer support representative expressed similar concerns. "He's called 4 times in the last week, giving me his jersey number as his USAA number. Doesn't he know I could report him for Stolen Valor? How many fucking times do I have to tell him USAA is for the military and military families only, no matter how fucking "special" he claims to be". When reached for comment Gronkowski only asked if Frank had been able to clarify if he could let him into USAA now that he's won a Superbowl.



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