Washington To Change Name To Universally Loved "Washington Daniel Snyders"

Washington, DC-Struggling to change the perception of his football team, and come across a universally loved name, Washington Football Team Owner Daniel Snyder has finally revealed the new name of the team. "We knew our next name had to be something that people could come together and love", said Snyder. "Not hate like with the Redskins, or not care like with The Washington Football Team, but love. And what better name than one that honors this team's past, present, and future, as well as arguably its savior. The Washington football team will forever be known as the Washington Daniel Snyders", said Snyder to many gasps and booing from the crowd. "Our logo will feature me, and my beautiful masculine chin, extremely large forehead which will obscure 80% of the helmet, and my eyebrows. Of course, the toupee comes with the helmet, allowing Washington the opportunity to once again be a trailblazer with the first-ever helmet accessory. Finally, there are our uniforms, which will change colors to the pasty white color of my skin-shutting those up who made comparisons of our team's former name to naming a team the Caucasians, as well as showing fellow pasty whites it's okay to look like a sheet ghost". At press time, John Mara had announced that in order to protect the team from accusations of heightism as well as boost his own ego, the name would be changed to the New York John Maras.