Urban Meyer To Change Motto To "Faith, Football, Family, and Fucking"

Jacksonville, FL-After being embroiled in a scandal over a video that appears to show him touching a young woman in a sexual way, Urban Meyer announced today he would be making a change to his former motto. Previously his motto was none other than "Faith, Football and Family". Now, however, with a night on the town with the young singles of Jacksonville, Meyer felt the need to tweak the saying. "In retrospect of the events that may have or have not occurred in the last few nights, I'd like to change my motto and add something else equally and in some cases even more important to me. My new motto is none other than Faith, Football, Family, and Fucking. I'll be honest with you. I've liked fucking more than faith for a long time. Family too. And now with the performances we're seeing from The Jaguars, I'd say Fucking might be my favorite type of activity in the whole motto. Lord knows my family gets on my nerves.... that's the real reason I retire every 5 games. If you had the same family I did, you would too. And Lord knows that I cannot stand the Lord when he cannot stand me. If he truly cared I wouldn't be 0-4. Now, Fucking- there's something I'm undefeated in. There's something I have a talented team in, one that works in synchronization", concluded Meyer.