Report: Only Scary Part Of Halloween Is That Local Man Gets Texans and Lions game

Jacksonville, FL-As local 32-year-old man James McShaner reflected on Halloween he came to a frightening conclusion. He had outgrown the holiday with one exception. "I've outgrown horror movies and the like. Ghostface, Michael Myers, Jason......they no longer scare me. A serial killer, a ghost, or even a psychopath are all made up and fictional and besides the people in my fantasy league, they generally don't exist. But I'll tell you what really scares me..... bad football. Two primetime games..... both with arguably the two worst franchises of all time about to get crushed once again.. I've done the math, and I only have about 900 football Sundays to enjoy before I'm dead... and to know that one of them will be wasted on watching the Lions and Texans play and lose is a horrifying thought. This is the kind of bad football that actually makes me wanna spend time with my wife and kid". At press time McShaner found a way to struggle through the fright and avoid his kid and wife once again on his blessed Sunday.