Report: Key To NFL Player's Success And Longevity Hatred Of Wife and Family


After months of research into what motivates the great NFL players to succeed, one answer continued to appear time and time again. Their hatred of their wives, and families. "Nothing motivates me to succeed more than hearing Brittany's voice from the sideline. If I had to spend more than the 12 hours of time I currently spend with her each week thanks to football, I don't know what I'd do", said Patrick Mahomes. Stafford echoed similar concerns. "Every time I talk to Kelly she's on some tangent, whether it be vaccine-related, Colin Kaepernick, or most sacred of all: the stadium concession pretzel. It's exhausting and thanks to football I'm able to escape her rants for 20 hours a day". Even Tom Brady, who many consider the GOAT, admitted his longevity was also due in part to his hatred of his wife. "Do you think I'm playing football at 44 by choice? I'm playing football at 44 because the other option is spending time with my wife. Half the time she yells at me in Brazilian. This is America, and frankly, if I'm going to be scolded by my wife at 44 years of age, I'd like it to be in English. Plus every time I play, she needlessly lists off how all the various parts of the stadiums aren't green and are killing animals everywhere and causing climate change. I just wanna play football man". Andrew Whitworth mentioned his mother as a key motivator. " I bought her a house so she would shut the fuck up. It didn't work. Now, I'm playing football at 39 years old, because the alternative is hearing about "how you never spend enough time with your mother". The message is clear to rising NFL stars, make sure to marry a total bitch of a wife, or at the very least develop hatred towards your immediate family, and the NFL world is your oyster. At press time Supermodel, Gisele Bündchen had cited hatred of her husband as reasoning for her continued success in her respective profession.


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