Major Tuddy Found To Have Been Responsible For Vietnam War Crimes
Washington, DC- Major Tuddy, the commanders, current and latest mascot was revealed to have been a war criminal during the Vietnam war, according to recently unearthed files marking the latest controversy from the embattled team. Major Tuddy, who served as a colonel during the Vietnam war, was one of the 12 men involved during the My Lai massacre, killing two civilians. Despite his penchant for deadly behavior none of it was able to rub off on the commander, who suffered yet another loss, knocking them out of contention for the second year in a row. Although many in the organization secretly hoped his attitude issues would make up for Ron's often soft touch, most players found themselves disgusted By Major Tuddy's use of racial slurs when describing opponents in an attempt to motivate the team, ,although owner Dan Snyder felt this was in character with the organizations history. The discovery marked the second time a Mascot's deeply disturbing history was unearthed, the first being the reveal that Steeley Mcbeam was often used by Steel Mills to destroy unions. At press time, Major Tuddy was hired as head coach to replace Ron Rivera, ensuring Daniel Snyder's reign as greatest owner of all time would continue.