Las Vegas Raiders To Require Proof Of Being An Asshole To Attend Games

Las Vegas, NV- The Las Vegas Raiders announced Tuesday that in order to keep their image and league-wide reputation intact, as well as ensuring the safety of fans, they will require proof of all those attending their games to be assholes before they can come in. "The results of what could happen if just one non-asshole fan walked into the stadium could be disastrous for the fanbase we have worked hard to cultivate, said owner Mark Davis. "Non-assholery spreads extremely fast and could infect upwards of 10 thousand people, with just one active case in the stadium", concluded Head Coach John Gruden. Other teams have implemented similar systems around the league with Pittsburgh requiring fans to be delusional about their team's chances, Kansas City requiring chiefs fans to be racist, and New Orleans requiring fans to be drunk to enter their respective stadiums.