Every NFL Team Interested In Deshaun Watson, Reports Texans

Houston, TX-According to the Houston Texans, and general manager Nick Caserio they have received numerous texts, calls, emails ( some of it explicit) and dick picks with messages inquiring about Deshaun Watson. "Our phone line is off the hook! We've received offers from all 32 NFL teams, Dwyane Johnson and The XFL, and the CFL. Woah, what's that? Patrick Mahomes had one bad game? Sounds like the Chiefs ringing us up for Deshaun Watson. Is Derrick Henry hurt? Call 1800-Get-Deshaun-Watson now! Did your number one draft pick not immediately succeed after being placed in a horrible system on an untalented team? Sounds like you need Deshaun Watson! Did Aaron Rodgers ask to get treated like a human being again? Out with the old, in with the new, the new being Deshaun Watson! Is your quarterback actually a running back? Are you sick of an immobile slow 44-year-old passer? Can you imagine what Watson could do as a Tampa Bay Buc? Is Ben Roethlisberger no longer playing like a young man? Then how would you like a quarterback two times as good as yours and with 11x the amount of criminal charges? I'd say with all these phone numbers ringing off the hook we'd take say 4 first-rounders 3-second rounders, your firstborn child, and 2 third-rounders? And if that doesn't work we could sub out one of the third-rounders in exchange for say, your entire fanbase?" At press time, the Raider expressed interest in someone who could replace their key losses in locker room culture.