Deshaun Watson Cleared After NFL Realizes He Only Sexually Assaulted Women, Didn't Write Bad Emails

New York, NY- With rumors once again brewing about Deshaun Watson's playing status as a result of trading rumors, the NFL announced he would be eligible to play in 2021. Despite the 22 sexual assault allegations from Watson's various masseuses, and cries of hypocrisy in regards to the John Gruden situation, the league appears ready to reinstate him. "What Watson did was despicable. But let me remind you. He did not write a racist or homophobic email 10 years ago. Yes, sexual assault is bad, but haven't we all been there? On the other hand, I have never felt the need nor wanted to write homophobic or racist emails. It could always be worse. Watson could have gone down the path of the devil's lettuce like Josh Gordon, and where would we be then? Watson could have taunted another player. What if he had shot himself in the leg? Or worn a sleeveless shirt? Or driven without a license? I think we can all agree these types of activities warrant nothing but the strictest punishment, and perhaps say a permanent suspension a la Justin Blackmon? But sexual assault is something, that we, in time can forgive". When asked about the comments in relation to Gruden, Goodell stated "I suggest Gruden takes after fellow retiree OJ Simpson and gracefully fades into the background".