Desean Jackson Pleased To Be Going To Team With Rich History Of Bigotry

Las Vegas, NV-Citing a shared love of bigotry, racism, homophobia, and anti-semitism, DeSean Jackson signed with the Raiders Monday night. "I feel blessed to be with a team that understands and accepts the way I feel. Even if the way I feel is that Jews are evil Satan-worshipping anti-black murders. On any other team, I'd be a pariah, a media outrage, a distraction, but here, I'm simply just another player. I'm pleased to play with racist hall of fame member Richie Incognito. I'm grateful to know this is a team that was handpicked by John Gruden. The idea of escaping personal responsibility is one that appeals to me, and one that the Raider's history appears to be full of. No longer will things be awkward because of some horrible statements I made, and never really apologized for. Why be mad at the anti-semitic guy, when you have a locker room full of murderers? In fact, of this group, I'm not such a bad guy. I've never threatened someone over Instagram. Murdered someone in a car. Threatened someone's mother. Tried to knock people out of games. All I've done was deny the holocaust here and there and downplay Hitler", concluded Desean Jackson. At press time, OJ Simpson had been contacted for the head coaching job of the Raiders citing his squeaky clean record since he served time for Robbery.