Congress Says Washington Broke False Advertising Laws By Assuring Fans They Were A Competent Team
Washington, DC- Congress revealed last Tuesday they would be investigating the Washington Commanders after documents leaked that the Washington Commanders considered themselves a football team, despite never playing like one. "What we have here is false advertising", said Attorney General Merrick Garland. "We see in multiple pictures, posters, interviews, and other forms of advertisement-over 12 thousand documents worth, the Washington Commanders appear to claim they have a chance at competing. But when you examine their roster up and down, take into account their quarterback, the team's culture, and its owner, it's clear that they are nowhere near any definition of competent. In one such example, The promotional material praised the Carson Wentz trade and claimed it was not only a good move but a necessary step for the team, which as any self-respecting fan will tell you is undeniably false. Congress is expected to be demanding refunds to season tickets, a 572 million dollar reparations to all fans of the team as well as any Native Americans, and a 1 billion dollar payment to congress for being good little boys.