Christian McCaffrey's Injury Status Downgraded To Dead

Charlotte, NC-After previously misinterpreting Christian McCaffrey's injury as one that would only derail him for a week, which then turned into two, and has now turned into a three-week IR stay, Carolina Panther Team Doctor Pat Connor announced that McCaffrey is actually dead. "We didn't notice it the first time when he came to us with his calf injury. By the second examination, we noticed the injury had progressed. In the third examination, it was clear this kind of injury would land him on IR. It was only upon the fourth examination that we were able to properly diagnose the issue- he was dead. We apologize for our ineptitude in diagnosing the injury, but as the NFL bylaw clearly states, if the player has physically moved in the last 24 hours, he has an 80/20 shot of playing". Panther's Team Doctor Pat Connor concluded by saying "McCaffrey's family is in our thoughts as well as McCaffrey's fantasy owners". At press time, NFL doctors said if there was ever a treatment to bring someone back to life it was probably in the back of an NFL medical room.