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Man-Eating M&M Bag Ignores Cries Of Anxiety From Orange M&M

Despite M&Ms rebranding of the orange M&M as an anxiety-ridden mess, Local Man Maurice Michaels still eats him during the weekly consumption of his M&M bag. According to reports, the orange M&M tried engaging Maurice in questions about the afterlife, while begging for his life, all of which was ignored. "I could care less what they think. They're fucking M&M's", said Maurice. .The M&M expressed to Maurice, that if he was clearly alive and able to communicate, Maurice's consumption of him could ultimately result in damnation, to which Maurice respond with a large burp. "He tried driving a hard bargain", said Michaels. "Eventually, the M&M broke down into tears and began to reveal how sad his life had been up until now, and that he was "too young to die". He asked me to spare him. I ate him and frankly I have no regrets." Reports show that all across the country millions of heartless Americans just like Maurice are eating M&Ms despite their new diverse and inclusive personalities.



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