Eight Planned Madden DLCs (Madden: Invasion Of Iraq, Kojami's Madden, Madden: GTA, and more!)
We here at the Deflatables have an exclusive on 10 upcoming DLC's straight from EA regarding their annual madden Franchise.
Madden Gets An Open World
What better way to herald a new era of shitty game design than adopting the most popular type of game experience and molding it the EA Way? Imagine the possibilities to kill, murder, maim, rob, and assault in the open world, just as an athlete would in real life.
2. Domestic Violence DLC
Go through the trials and tribulations of an athlete when their bitch of a baby momma starts talking back to them. Slap them as a real athlete would, and watch as the court process and NFL suspension takes place in real-time. Can your lawyer successfully argue she had it coming, and knockdown your charges to parole? Will your success in the NFL translate to popularity, and ensure Fans begin to defend you in the comment section of a Twitter post? Only you can find out with the brand new DLC!
3. Madden/Call Of Duty: Invasion of Iraq
What better way to expand a dying game's player base, than by linking it irrevocably to another dying game's player base? The only thing cooler then watching NFL players kill each other on the football field is watching NFL players kill each other in Iraq.
4. John Madden DLC
We here at EA are very broken up over John Madden, the inspiration for our video games once in 1995 and then never again. In order to honor the man, we've decided to add him back into the game for the low price of 10.99$.
5. Working Game
Create a working, fixable game, that functions as advertised, and recreates stimulation football. Just kidding. You should see the big dumb look on your face.
6. Outsource the product to Rockstar
Outsource the game to the people who remastered GTA, because they clearly know what they're doing.
7. Hiring Metal Gear Man
What better way to emphasize storytelling, and the face of the franchise than hiring Kojima. Imagine an all-new mode where you take over as Quarterback of the Small Town Mill Squids, a team that plays football 5 days a week, and fights aliens the other two. Or do they? Is it all a dream? More will be revealed with the official release. Guillermo Del Toro is not included.
Just because NFL players are barred from displaying companies on their uniforms doesn't mean EA is. Try to enjoy this game as we render the NFL uniforms to resemble Nascar. It's what you deserve for willingly buying this piece of a shit game asshole.